I’ve been thinking about writing this very post ever since I decided to take a break for awhile, but every time I started writing it, I stopped for one reason or another. I didn’t know when I was going to want to write again or if I was ever going to. I questioned whether or not I could even call myself a writer anymore. But, for the last week or so, I haven’t been able to come up with any reason not to write this post and I even contemplated jumping head first back into fashion content. Needless to say, that felt wrong, so here we are.
I’m rambling, aren’t I? Why am I nervous?
I published my last blog post on March 10. It’s now July 6. I never thought I would take this much time off from blogging, but I’ll be honest with you and tell you that I really fucking needed this break.
In 2019, I launched my blog because I loved to write and I had things to say. It was, and is, as simple as that.
I still love to write and have things to say, but something changed from 2019 to now…I tried to monetize being an influencer and blogger. I liked doing it so much that I thought, “why not try to make money off of this thing that I love?” I started looking at blogging and posting on Instagram as a side hustle, a second job, another responsibility. You could say that it started as a hobby and it became a hassle.
When I decided to take a break from trying to be an influencer and blogger, I had been setting and adhering to strict guidelines for myself for both my blog and Instagram. I was posting a certain amount on both platforms and keeping track of my statistics on a daily basis.
The consistency and commitment to posting was not taxing until I started posting just to post, just to fulfill my abitrary goals for the day and not because I felt like I had something important or fun to say or share. And the stats, they were and are so harmful to my mental health. Like other influencers, the ever-changing algorithms were hard to keep up with and what was a normal amount of engagement for me drastically changed. I felt like there was no room for growth. How was I supposed to grow and get my message out there if Instagram was only showing my content to 10% of my followers?!
I ended up sending myself into a shame spiral every time I didn’t get the views, likes or comments that I thought I should have gotten. I even added that shame on to other pleasures of mine, like reading books. For someone who has struggled with feeling worthy my whole life, I very quickly placed my worth on to my blog and Instagram.
Blogging and being a wannabe influencer was weighing heavy on me and I didn’t want anything to do with being a blogger or influencer anymore, so I took a break. I am certain being unemployed at the time did not help the situation, but it took three months of me having a new professional job to start blogging again, so that must mean something.
During my hiatus from my blog, I’ve still been posting on my Instagram, but have spent so much less time focusing on consistency, competition and statistics, and so much more time focusing on having fun. I still love posting outfit photos, so that’s not going to stop. The way that taking and sharing those photos has boosted my confidence is unprecedented, so I’m going to keep doing that no matter how annoyed my husband gets when I ask him to be my human tripod. I still enjoy posting on my stories here and there, but don’t feel like I have to anymore.
Lastly, I no longer have affiliate links or any other type of partnership with brands. This shit is strictly for fun.
As for my blog, I have been checking on her from a distance, but haven’t posted any new content until today. I always knew I’d come back. I just needed to come back in a different way.
So, why am I sharing these thoughts? Why didn’t I just jump back into making content?
I know I don’t owe anyone an answer for why I needed to take a break, but one of my goals has always been to make my readers and followers feel seen.
Maybe you have experienced burn out or have gotten tired of doing something that you previously loved. Well, I’m here to say that is perfectly, fucking okay to fall out of love with a hobby, a job or an activity and need to quit or take a break from that thing. I did it and it’s okay if you do it too.
Maybe you have compared yourself to others in your field or made yourself believe that you weren’t good enough. I’m here to say, you and me, we are good enough and we don’t have to answer to anyone but ourselves. We’re the bosses of our own lives.
In short, we both deserved to close one chapter with resolution and reflection and to know that a new one was coming, one where your girl is a little less hard on herself.
With all that being said, I hope you are still here willing to read my words and go on this wild ride with me. I’ve missed you.