I’m a self-proclaimed achiever. Not an underachiever, but not an overachiever. Sure, I get competitive every once in awhile in the presence of certain annoying know-it-alls, but on a day-to-day basis, I’m good with just being an achiever.

I get the job done and sometimes, just SOMETIMES, I am actually really good at something. A thing I actually nail is an impression of Marisa Tomei in the absolute classic, My Cousin Vinny. (Go to 1:47 in the linked video to capture this beautiful moment by the queen herself.)

However, like most thespians, I am also terrible at some things. I proudly admit some and I try to avoid interactions (both in conversation and physicality) with others. Here’s some of my greatest hits…do you get it? When you’re bad at something you sometimes end up getting hit. Okay, moving on.

Staying on My Feet

Speaking of getting hit, I tend to hit the ground a lot. Like I trip all the time. I’m just not graceful and my family says I like to do random gravity checks. There’s not much explanation for this one, but it should be included because I am truly horrific at keeping both feet on or near the ground.

Throwing a Goddamned Frisbee

Picture this: I’m a young girl and it’s a beautiful summer day. My family is having a barbecue and enjoying outdoor games. My dad throws a frisbee my way. One of two things happen next. I catch the frisbee because catching is not the problem here. Or it lands at my feet. What now? Either way it gets to me, now I’m supposed to throw it back. Easy, right? Nope, every single time, and no matter how my technique is, it lands no where near my dad. He laughs and tries to show me how to do it “properly.” Dad thinks because I can throw a softball and a football, I must be able to throw a frisbee. No. That’s not the case. I’m the worst frisbee thrower of all time and am a disgrace to cookouts across America.


Keeping my Thoughts to Myself

Let me first clarify that I am able to keep my mouth shut just fine, it’s the rest of my face that can’t keep it’s shit together. If you want to know what I think, what I really think, look at my face. Somebody says something absurd in a meeting, you can bet a paycheck that you can tell by my face that I think they are losing their marbles. Somebody gives their child Starbucks in the Target line, you can bet over my locally-brewed latte I will be letting them have it. Sorry not sorry. Momma never said “keep your facial expressions to yourself.”

Watching Movies That Are Based on Books

Like all other mouth-breathers, I watch a lot of tv and movies. But, what I also do is read and when I read I get attached. The characters in books are important to me and they are almost like my friends. I care about what happens/happened to them. With that being said, nothing pisses me off more than going to see a movie that I think I am going to love because it is based on a fabulous book and it turns out they are nothing alike. I will talk about it for years and I will never forgive the movie for not being the exact same as the book, even if it is a fifteen hour rendition of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.


I’ll end with a deeper one: change. I’m not good at change. I may look okay on the outside, but on the inside I am questioning everything and wondering what else is going to change. Change is good and a part of life, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy or not scary. Embracing change requires courage and as Mark Twain said “courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” I say this a lot, but if I’m afraid of something, I have to do that something. I am afraid of change, so here I am a changin’.

Honorable Mentions: Getting a Tan, Praying, Wearing Panty Hoes, Art, Soccer, Posing for Pictures.

Obviously, that’s not all I’m bad at. We’d be here for awhile if we tried to list them all. The point is, I think it’s okay to be bad at stuff as long as you’re not in denial and/or it’s not holding you back from living your life or pursuing your dreams. It’s not self-loathing, it’s self-awareness and betterment. And we’re all out here trying to better in the end.